I hate you. Oh how I hate you. The way you ignored my texts, the way you hung up the phone when I called you at work. It’s just: “Baby, how are you today?”. Honestly, it’s not that hard for you to answer my question, right?
Why must you be so fickle? Why would you give me a cute wink, then glare at me 5 seconds later? You said I was bothering you? How can that be, when you once said that I’m the most precious to you? You even said it in front of thousand other people, have you forgotten?
Maybe you forgot. In that case, let me remind you: I am yours, and you are mine. We belong to each other. WE. BELONG. TO. EACH. OTHER. You said it, didn’t you? You even said it in front of thousand other people. YOU SAID IT.
And yet you lied to me. Why did you? You said it was just a rumour. You even said it in front of thousand other people. You cast it aside so casually, with that angelic smile which I adored so much. As if it didn’t hurt at all if it was just a rumour. But then again, it was not.
You betrayed me. How could you? Don’t you avoid my eyes. You know what you just did. You went out with him, didn’t you? I saw it all. He waited for you outside your house, then you and him took the train to Shibuya*. Holding hands all the while!! You went with him into café, then a bookstore before dropping by a bar. And then you let him kiss you, let that devastating moment of our love forever be captured in that selfie!!! “Right”? What is “right”? What is “privacy”? Even after all this, you still have the nerve to demand “privacy” from me? You unfaithful heartbreaker. I love you, it is my right to look after you!!! Not a random pretty-faced guy from Johnny’s!*
I wonder how on earth I could sit in that dark corner, watching the most horrible drama episode of our romance being played out, starring you and that guy. Perhaps I was thinking too much, trying to make sense of it. Why him? Because he is handsome? An eye-candy? A sweet-talker? A heartbreaker, perhaps, just like you? No wonder they say like attracts like.
You gullible, stupid girl. You seriously think that guy loves you more than I do? Does he listen to your songs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Does he buy a pile of your new CDs just so that he can hold your hand for a few seconds?* Does he call you everyday, worry about your wellbeing every hour like I do? And does he silently yet happily walk you home every night, after all the shows, to protect you from any perverts in the dark, never mind that you don’t even realize it? Is he that devoted and faithful to you, like I do? And yet you are foolishly, helplessly into him. Are you even allowed to be with him in the first place?*
You have forgotten who you are. You have forgotten me, the guy whose heart you took away and ripped into pieces. In that case, I shall remind you of who you are, I shall remind you of our love. I shall take that guy’s heart and rip it into pieces…
The world around me erupted into screaming as I entered the light. It was so blinding, it was so liberating, finally the world will understand our undying love… through death!
*Shibuya: A ward of Tokyo, Japan. Well known as a fashion centre and nightlife area
*Johnny’s: Johnny’s and Associates, the biggest talent agency in Japan that produces many famous boy bands. Aka “The Pretty Boy Factory”.
*Refers to a sales tactic employed by AKB48, the most popular female idol group in Japan and other idol groups. Fans buy multiple copies of the same CD to gain access to exclusive handshake events with the group members.
*For the idols in AKB48 and other female idol groups, they are not allowed to date
Endnote: My first attempt at unreliable narrative =))